full tilt

This is a response post to a query Miura Bull made over at his blag. I suggest you head over there and read up for greater understanding of what I'm commenting about.

When I first began solo PvPing in ernst, my goal was to be self sustained, to not take what I felt were unintelligent losses, and have as high as of a K:D ratio as possible while taking interesting fights. A lot of what I did back then was belt piracy, defensive PvP (fighting with sentries on my side) around station and gates, and eventually mission and complex piracy. I built up enough experience and eventually skill in the matter that I could reliably identify good engagements to take on, and comfortably walk away from losses where I was outsmarted or trapped. My confidence was such that even while I was beaten regularly, I knew that I was a good player, a notion that was regularly reinforced by more victories than defeats, by making isk from PvP, and by few mistakes made in PvP.

In the past year or so, where much of my time spent PvPing has been with the goal of showcasing solo PvP through video livestreaming, I've lost much of the edge that classicly was so effective for me in winning engagements. That is, I have stopped listening to my experience regarding taking fights, and this has lead to a lot of frustration with PvP, leading to a near constant state of 'tilt' as Miura described it. I've been sucked into the need for quick satisfaction brought on by bad streaming habits. As any veteran PvPer could attest to, hungry and reckless solo players make for great targets, and I don't enjoy being on the receiving end of a loss due to poor decision making.

For the more immediate sense of frustration brought on by getting ganked, or making a mistake in a fight, etc, I find stepping away from the game to do a chore, exercise, play a different game or other distractions are great ways to cool frayed nerves. For my greater issue as described previously, I'm currently trying to manage the frustration by changing my expectations and my goals when playing. Ultimately I'm working toward updating my sense of what's right and wrong, good and bad about a play session of EVE, and finding (or relocating) a sense of comfortable satisfaction when PvPing, whether I win, lose, or take no engagements at all.